Resolutions

When I was sitting down to write this post, I was also reminded that this is the time of year when people make resolutions.  When they resolve to do better, eat better, live better etc.  However, I must be clear, this post is NOT about that.  I feel that one should focus on those things all of the time because you should always work to be a better you, not because a new year is upon us and everyone wants a "do over/restart".


The resolution I want to focus on is resolving issues, hurts, relationships etc.  If I can be transparent, authentic and naked for a moment...I wasn't "raised" by my parents.  Both of them suffered/suffer from drug and alcohol  addictions.  I spent my childhood not really belonging to anyone or any place.  Of course this sense of not belonging built up trust issues and an insecurity of not being good enough.


Through my life's journey, God has brought people and given me lessons to begin the resolution process to reconcile these inconsistencies with who I am and whose I am (I Peter 2:1-10).  Many of my life lessons and experiences I know were purpose for me to be a help/encouragement and life giving force for others.    


I thought I had worked through much of my childhood pain until I was called to care for the mother who hadn't cared for me.  That little girl, who I now know I was hiding, who I thought had healed, showed up with all her unresolved hurt, anger and insecurities.  I was caught off guard by these emotions as I typically "try" to stay emotionally strong.  This experience of "taking care" of my mom, shook my foundation and broke down that wall I had built to protect the little girl and forced me to work on healing her.


Now three years later, I am STILL working on resolving the issues of my past and not allowing them to overtake me and my purpose today.  It is definitely hard, I would be lying if I didn't say some days I want to throw my hands up and say forget it and run back to my "safe space".  But I know the process of resolution is a needed one.  I am currently reading Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future by Dr. Henry Cloud as I work through to resolution.


What I do know is if we are called to be life giving sources, we must be whole and complete to do so.  Resolving issues, past and present, allows us to be complete and positive in the energies we share.  On our road to authenticity, we must have resolutions.  There is no amount of burying, covering, masking, hiding that will heal you.  The best way to sum this up is via a quote by Iyanla Vanzant I heard on Oprah's Life Class:

"You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them."
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Iyanla-Vanzant-How-to-Heal-the-Wounds-of-Your-Past#ixzz1exwMoUIv.

Certifiably Authentic

I love reality tv...anyone who knows me knows I am addicted to all things realityesque.  I have given all reality shows at least one watch...sad I know...try to stay with me and not judge *smile*.


Lately some of these shows are highlighting characteristics that "normal" people typically keep "hidden" - masked up if you will.  I am the first to say someone is showing "too much" or certifiable (my word for crazy) for doing so.


But what if we all had our daily lives, emotions, interactions taped?  What would we look like to others?  Better question, what if our quiet moments, inner thoughts, the deep down stuff that we tend to hide from everyone, were taped and on display, what would we look like to ourselves?  What would our real "label" be?  Would we appear to others/ourselves what we believe ourselves to be?  Or would the mask we wear be exposed?


I  know it is a leap to connect reality tv to the mask we wear but hey I am making it *shoulder shrug*.  Stay with me...I'm gonna make it live as my pastor use to say.  


These people, for better or worst, are putting themselves out there subject to all the things that come along with being vulnerable...being authentic.


NOW I am not saying these shows are the most authentic, but there is something to be said about being "naked" before the world...YIKES.


BUT no matter whether a person's intention when being exposed is to grow or not...IT WILL HAPPEN.  They have been "exposed" to themselves via the entire viewing world.  


No growth, no life purpose, no movement will occur if one is not naked.  Let's think about the basic seed.  It MUST shed it's protective shell in order for the fruit, flower, food (I love alliteration) to be produced.  It is exposed, even for a brief time, to the elements and animals/insects that might take it for a meal or snack.  It sustains and attracts what it needs to sustain to become what it was meant to become. Simple, but if you think about it very relevant to those of us who wear masks...some of us who wear many mask.  


Let's get back to your personal reality show...are you hiding, wearing a mask or two or three?  Are you truly being authentically who you are?  Let's get real...do you have "issues" that you are covering up as to not deal or to "trick" people into loving/valuing you?  OR are you "dimming your light" in order to conform to what society/people think you should be? AND/OR are you attracting life draining people into your space and not sure WHY? 


Have you been wearing your mask(s) so long that if you took them off or watched your reality video, you wouldn't even recognize the person you see?


In order for us to be the people we were intended to be (who we are purposed to be) we must be who we are right now!  Recognizing our issues, allows for us to work on those issues TRULY and HONESTLY!  Realizing that we are living someone else's reality of us, allows us to set boundaries with or  lovingly omit those people from our space.  Understanding that our lack of authenticity may be attracting the wrong energies (situations and people) into our lives, allows us to be accountable for how people treat us and what happens to us.


The Universe/God returns to us what we give to the world.  If you are not giving your authentic self and working from that true foundation, you can't expect the same in return.


Authenticity is REQUIRED for growth/life and for attracting life giving, authentic energies.  


I welcome those of you who have gone/going through or worked/working through being authentic to the world to share resources (websites, books, articles scriptures, quotes etc) that assisted/is assisting you.

Refocusing...Task One of my Spiritual To Do List (originally written May 2009)

As I am building/strengthening my blogging skills, I have been looking back on previous writings...I found that I have "started" some form of journaling/blogging many times before in other forms, however never put in out in a forum that may be truly beneficial to others.  I wrote notes via facebook in the past but never really published them and have boxes of journals in my basement that never quite made it past just writings on a page.  As I do some self reflection and soul strengthening to do what I am purposed, I found this entry I wrote back in 2009.  It seems so very relavant for what I am trying to be committed to now.  So bare with me as I repost this in an effort to truly share.

It has been over four months since my last note...can we say life has been busy? In this four months I think I have been tested in everyway imaginable...some test I have passed with flying colors others just barely scraped by and still others I have failed miserably. But I am happy and blessed to say I have learned! I have learned that my flesh is very weak and that my insecurities take over if I am not centered (focused) in God.

Your focus is so key to your happiness, or should I say joy, in life. I know I have talked about negativity and attitude in other notes, but it is so true...where you focus your attention will dictate everything else. When I was at Xavier, I attended this talk regarding positive thinking and visualizing your goals. The speaker talked about how your mind does not know the difference between an actual event happening and you reliving the experience in your mind. So if something negative happens and then you retell the story over and over again your mind, body and soul reacts as though it is happening to you over and over again...deep huh? I broke a three inch thick board with my bare hands. On one side of that board were the fears and insecurities that I felt were hindering me and on the other side was the statement In five years, I will be a Spiritual Counselor. Although this talk did not speak of God, the holy spirit was present as I know I broke through my issues to focus on His will for my life, but I digress...

If I focus on my failures and shortcomings then that is where my energies will manifest. If I focus on what other's think or what will happen tomorrow then my energy dwells there. I am not saying that one should not plan or care about other's, however your sole focus should not be in areas you have little to no control over.

I have spent way too much energy these past four months dwelling in places where I should not have been. So today I am refocusing....changing my spiritual, mental and emotional lens if you will! I have found that writing the vision and making it plain adds more validity and truth to the statement. I tend to do what I have written down as I am a list maker. So this is task one of my Spiritual To Do List.

Sometimes we tend to think our spirituality is something we do not have to take an active role in maintaining and updating. This is so far from the truth. Any relationship needs continuous attention and updating to be success. Just as we go about our daily task for work or family...making list to accomplish this or that goal, we need to put just as much, if not more energy in our spiritual upkeep.

One of the electronic devotionals I read had a prayer that I printed and posted in my office as I constant reminder of my focus:

Dear Jesus, when I push You to last place, I miss out on hearing Your voice. When I keep going until I drop, I get all tangled up in my to do list. I know that life is busy, but help me to discern between what is important, and what is not. Reorganize my life, and reveal true rest that only comes from You.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Is it time for you to focus or refocus? Is it time for you to create or update your Spiritual To Do List?

Starting Today

Deep Sign...today I decided while waiting for a friend to send me her resume to start my blog.  Not sure what that means really but hey I did it.  I "planned" to do a lot of research and an informational interview with a friend and awesome woman in the purpose pursuit world, Jen Price-Davis (check out her blog at http://jenpricedavis.com/) but I never "made" time to do it.  So today I decided to start...which is the antithesis to my personality type.  I am a planner...I like my day/life/universe planned in order to anticipate all and not be caught off guard.  I know...you should have laughed there or at least chuckled.  I received a quote from a friend..."I had poured years into making my plan successful only to discover that God resources and empowers His plan alone" (Girlfriends in God Daily Devotional - November 22).  Why was I so afraid to just start...well I wanted to make sure my words were "important" and really gave people the purposeful "push" or spiritual nudge I intended.  Honestly I didn't have faith that my "product" was worth anyone reading about or seeking out (overcame this with advice a good nugget I got from reading Jen's blog).  Starting today I decided who cares...take a risk...put yourself out there...listen to the spiritual nudge in you to put yourself out there even though everything in you wants to delete this and back away from the computer.

Here is goes...