Resolutions

When I was sitting down to write this post, I was also reminded that this is the time of year when people make resolutions.  When they resolve to do better, eat better, live better etc.  However, I must be clear, this post is NOT about that.  I feel that one should focus on those things all of the time because you should always work to be a better you, not because a new year is upon us and everyone wants a "do over/restart".


The resolution I want to focus on is resolving issues, hurts, relationships etc.  If I can be transparent, authentic and naked for a moment...I wasn't "raised" by my parents.  Both of them suffered/suffer from drug and alcohol  addictions.  I spent my childhood not really belonging to anyone or any place.  Of course this sense of not belonging built up trust issues and an insecurity of not being good enough.


Through my life's journey, God has brought people and given me lessons to begin the resolution process to reconcile these inconsistencies with who I am and whose I am (I Peter 2:1-10).  Many of my life lessons and experiences I know were purpose for me to be a help/encouragement and life giving force for others.    


I thought I had worked through much of my childhood pain until I was called to care for the mother who hadn't cared for me.  That little girl, who I now know I was hiding, who I thought had healed, showed up with all her unresolved hurt, anger and insecurities.  I was caught off guard by these emotions as I typically "try" to stay emotionally strong.  This experience of "taking care" of my mom, shook my foundation and broke down that wall I had built to protect the little girl and forced me to work on healing her.


Now three years later, I am STILL working on resolving the issues of my past and not allowing them to overtake me and my purpose today.  It is definitely hard, I would be lying if I didn't say some days I want to throw my hands up and say forget it and run back to my "safe space".  But I know the process of resolution is a needed one.  I am currently reading Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future by Dr. Henry Cloud as I work through to resolution.


What I do know is if we are called to be life giving sources, we must be whole and complete to do so.  Resolving issues, past and present, allows us to be complete and positive in the energies we share.  On our road to authenticity, we must have resolutions.  There is no amount of burying, covering, masking, hiding that will heal you.  The best way to sum this up is via a quote by Iyanla Vanzant I heard on Oprah's Life Class:

"You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them."
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Iyanla-Vanzant-How-to-Heal-the-Wounds-of-Your-Past#ixzz1exwMoUIv.