Whose MESS is THIS?!

I am a yeller (not a word, I know!).  What I mean is when the kids are out of line I tend to yell.  At all cost I really don't want (emphasis because I WILL) to spank them or punish them at all really.  More and more I am learning just how much of a softy I am*folding arms and putting on my tough mommy face*.


More often than not, I am yelling about cleaning up.  Although I am not a neat freak, I like orderly chaos LOL (not going there now) but there shouldn't be mess for the sake of mess...shoes and clothes and cups etc scattered around with no one to "claim" them.  I am even a culprit of yelling at the kids for random mess that they politely point out is mine...ooops.  


This mess "dance" with my kids reminds me of the mess "dance" we do in our lives.  When I say mess I am referring to our issues, insecurities, negative thoughts etc.  Anything that dwells in us that at any give moment could spill (negatively impact) out on our environment and those in our environment.  We all have mess, however how we recognize and manage that mess is the "dance".


Some of us are like the previous scenario with me and the kids, we allow our mess to spill out, however don't claim it because we can't recognized our mess from someone else's or we don't want to.  Typically those of us who are in that space are constantly yelling Whose MESS is THIS through our actions with others and our environment.  Actions such as projecting, denying, retreating, etc.  Again not aware or not willing to claim the mess as ours.


If I want, I can clean my kids' messes to fulfill my need for orderly chaos.  However with our internal mess, no one can clean/manage our mess but us!  You must be willing to recognize it and then take the steps to manage it.  This also works for those of us who claim mess that does not belong to us.  When we take the time to recognize and understand our mess, then we know what is NOT our mess and hold others accountable for claiming and cleaning/managing their mess.


I have come to recognize that much of my issues in relationships (using this globally, not just romantic or family or friendships) was recognizing what was MY issues (mess) that I was expecting the other person to fix/change/manage (clean up) and what was their issues (mess) that they needed to fix/change/manage themselves AND THEN acting accordingly.  Acting accordingly means clean/manage your mess and expect others to clean/manage theirs.  


SIDENOTE:  When I say clean/manage our mess, this is not to imply that one must do this alone.  I strongly encourage you to seek assistance/help with dealing with your issues, be that a live counselor, an online seminar, books etc whatever works for you.  The ownership reference means that we must take responsibility for taking the necessary steps to manage our own mess, however that looks.


This is probably why on some level I am so adamant about my kids recognizing and cleaning their own tangible messes.  Accountability is key and I welcome them to keep mommy on her toes as well*smile* So now before I yell Whose MESS is THIS?!  I am sure to check to see if it is literally or figuratively mine and act accordingly.  


Quest to manage/clean up my Mess or at least have orderly chaos :-)