Being a career coach at a university, this time of year becomes notoriously known as the procrastinator's motivation. It is the last two weeks of school and my schedule fills up with appointments to see graduating seniors who, for a myriad of reasons, have waited until the last minute to focus on the career part of life after college. Some come in with realistic expectations that this process may take more than the last two weeks. But SOME have not thought about it at all and hope that by some miracle or magic all their career aspirations/checklist items will come to fruition by the time they walk across the stage (ever heard of "your procrastination is NOT my emergency"? I say that quite often this time of year.)
I find myself, more often than not, asking them questions that go unanswered or receiving an answer like "I hadn't decided on that yet." So I lovingly tell them that in fact they HAD decided. Whatever the decision-making blockers (procrastination, fear (of outcome, responsibility etc), lack of prioritizing etc or in some cases a combination of any and everything) by not deciding they actually did decide. They decided they would not focus on it until that very moment.
Once that sinks in one of two things happens without fail: I either assist them with formulating a plan, reset their expectations and we get to work OR they leave and we don't see them again (picturing a rolling tumble weed in a dry desert "inserting sound of the wind blowing" and no one in sight) AGAIN another decision made via avoidance (which should be added to the list of blockers above!).
I think many of us fall victim to the "non-decision syndrome" (yes I made that up*smile*). Because of the blockers listed in the scenario above, we find ourselves in this syndrome and call it something else, like staying neutral or waiting on God.
There is a season for everything. There is a time to be neutral. There is a time to wait (actively anticipating an answer) on God. However, when it comes to decision-making (as with most other concepts), it all comes down to MOTIVE. Why are/aren't you making this decision? If the answer, either way, is one of those blockers previously mentioned (fear etc) then you need to do the opposite!
If you are deciding out of fear, hold off on that decision for a while. If you are "waiting" to decide out of fear, then figure out what that fear is, "lean into" the fear and MAKE A DECISION!
At the end of the day whether you make a decision or not, YOU are RESPONSIBLE for the decision you do or do not make. I found those who rely on others or situations to decide or not on their behalf, tend to also try to place the blame on that person/situation when the outcome is not what they intended. But as I said before, YOU are RESPONSIBLE for the decisions you do or do not make even if you decided to let someone/something else make that decision for you. A bit of tough love.
We must trust our decision-making abilities. I don't believe one is born with the ability to make decisions or the knowledge as to when or when not to make a decision. It is learned behavior that tends to start in childhood. The more we make decisions and have faith that the outcome will be fine no matter what, the more we will trust our decision-making abilities and the blockers will no longer be invited to the party (or if they show up, they will be happily escorted out).
If you are struggle with this, start by DECIDING to answer these questions (honestly and authentically or you will be DECIDING to waste time) :
- What are you NOT DECIDING on?
- Why are you NOT DECIDING?
- What do you need to hold yourself accountable (timeline/deadline, a person)?
- How can you move out of the non-decision syndrome and own your decision-making?
Happy Deciding*smile*
Love! As a fellow career coach, I know exactly what you mean :) I think too, that when the person disappears without deciding, some shame and/or blaming might come into play, if they don't act on the advice/use the resources to get themselves where they want to be.
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