"Where the fruit is" post text

Because I like to keep my writing to reflect and want to be more diligent with keeping them in one location (I originally had it hyperlinked to the site but Jen has since revamped her site and I can't find the link), I am posting the text of the message I wrote and referenced in Where the fruit (the good stuff) is post.  So not really a new post for those who get notifications *sorry* but maybe you will enjoy reading it again :-).

Where the fruit is…  The title comes from a quote I recently added to my physical and mental motivation wall. 

“Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb.  That’s where the fruit is” ~ H. Jackson Browne. 

I love quotes/scriptures/words of wisdom as they serve as a motivation for me.  In my office, I have sticky notes and papers posted in various places with messages that serve as inspiration for me.  Once memorized, they become a part of my mental motivation wall.  These messages keep perception clear as I often let my fears get the best of me.  Fear of what…fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and fear of being a disappointment (to whom?  I have no idea) etc.  What I found out is that fear itself is not a negative emotion; it is what we do with that fear or how we allow that fear to motivate us that creates the negativity.

When I started my blog in November, I literally just typed.  I had “planned” to do a lot more research and informational interviews prior to starting it to ensure that I had everything in order.  I realized that my fear was motivation for my needing to have things in “order” prior to starting my blog.  Those fears I listed above and others.  I was using my wanting things in order (my fears in disguise) as a crutch for moving forward.  So on November 22, I just decided that I would begin.  I would still conduct research, review and follow blogs that I really loved and glean tips from them.  I would still consult with others who have written blogs and gather thoughts about how to move forward.  However, it was important for me to allow my fear to motivate me to action as opposed to stagnation.

“You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there” ~ Edwin Louis Cole

Fear is as natural as breathing; however we must change our mind about fear.  Overcoming fear is simply using it as a motivator and not as an oppressor.  No matter what your faith/spiritual tradition, each one has a concept about how our thoughts become our perception and our perception then becomes our reality.  One of my favorite messages is “all that we are is the result of what we have thought.  The mind is everything.  What we think we become”(Buddha). What we think we become!  It is really in how we “think about” our fears.  It is extremely scary to go out on a “limb” whatever that limb is, however if our mind is set on the fruit as opposed to the fear we have overcome so much already…why not go all the way?

You may not be a quote/message collector like me, however if you pay attention to the Universe and people around you, motivational messages can come from the unlikeliest of places.  While I was driving to work this morning, my five year old was musing about the rainy weather.  Out of the blue she focuses her attention to me and says “although the weather looks scary, I’m not afraid, you know why?  Because I know that this scary part will make puddles and when there are puddles I can wear my fairy rain boots and play and dance in them and not get my pants wet.  I can’t wait!”  This scary part will become puddles, which will allow her to wear her favorite boots and dance in the water.  Fear overcome, make way for puddles of fun!

Thanks Universe!  I will definitely be adding that to my motivational wall.  To overcome your fears, change your perception, your thinking, your mind and go where the fruit is!  I will meet you there! 

All things hold together

Up reflecting...today officially makes three years at my job.  I am overwhelmed a bit by the myriad of emotions I am feeling right now.   So much has happen in this time to me and those in my life between September 27, 2010 - September 27, 2013.  In that dash there lies so many seasons and transitions of life.  I thought of trying to list all the successes and failures, gains and losses, the happiness and heartache, but I wanted to get this down and not get lost in my attempt to think of everything.  I never could have imagined, wished or guessed but what I do know for certain, God is before all things and in God ALL things hold together.

The sermon my Pastor gave last Sunday still resonates so deeply with me.  He talked about Jacob and how Jacob held on to his brother Esau's heel during birth and was pulled from womb via his brother.  And how Jacob held on to and wrestled with the angel while saying he wouldn't let go until he was blessed.  

I didn't know I would be writing this post in the wee hours of the morning when I heard the message on Sunday, but these past three years have been like Jacob's story.  Selah.  There have been times when, like Jacob with his brother's heel, I've held on to God and/or the support of my friends and family as I gone through difficult transitions but didn't have the strength, confidence, knowledge or faith to "birth" myself through the situation.  As I held on, they pulled me through!   There have been times, like Jacob with the angel, where I had unshakeable faith to hold on because I knew God's purpose and plan for me and those in my life and was willing, no matter what, to "wrestle" until that blessing manifested for me or for them.

One of my favorite songs is India Arie's "God is Real" (all of her songs are my favorites #granoladiva).  She's reflecting on all the wonders of life and nature and the chorus repeats, "That's how I know God is real/all of this is not by chance".  Sometimes we need to take time away from the present situation and be reminded that God is real and in Him all things HOLD together.

I'm not sure what is in store tomorrow or the next three years, but I am firm in my belief that I have been given and will be given everything I need to do what I am purposed to do.  Although each day may not be the best and at times I may fall short, I know to hold on.

True (Vulnerable) Leadership

Lately I have been on this leadership kick...I mean any article, blog, tweet etc mentioning leadership I devour its content.  I am not sure if my craving for this knowledge is saying something about what is in my future and/or just my spirit craving what it needs (leadership knowledge).  I do know that I have struggled to find good mentors (formal and informal) that exhibit what I think of when I think of a good leader.  It feels as many are focused more on the IQ way to lead (decision making, logic and looking good on paper) as opposed to the EQ (relationship building, understanding, communication).  Not that I am saying one is better than the other but a good balance of both is necessary for good leadership in my opinion.  We all have short comings, but the mark of a good leader is to recognize their shortcomings and look to their team to fill in the gaps.  However, it appears as though leaders and others see this as a sign of weakness.  Thus the norm is to act as though they know it all at the expense of the loyalty, trust and morale of others.  It also appears that people being lead only want to hear what makes them feel good instead what is authentic and true.  They gravitate toward the "spin and blow" leaders (spinning stories and blowing smoke).  When present with the truth, they'd rather condemn the presenter of the truth, than to consider it and move within that authenticity.

I wrote the above part of this post in April 2012 and it is still a clear, relavent perspective.  I have gained a bit more knowledge since last year, serving in a leadership role, and acquired a few good mentors that exhibit balance.  I have seen more often than not that those under a "leader" rely on that person to handle the "difficult stuff" even though they are fully capable (goes to the EQ).  The default of the "You have the title" mentality has stifled some awesome individuals to showcase their leadership abilities.  The previous thought along with those in leadership positions not being allowed to learn and make mistakes nor do they allow those they lead to do so.  I think much of the above thinking stems from the lack of transparency snd authenticity (and the ability to be transparent and authentic) that is prevalent in our organizations.  This manifest in a variety of ways...lack of commiunication, motivation, delegation, integration from all levels.  I believe the best organizations breed and require transparency and authenticity in their people (as any good relationship should).  This openness and safe trust will inevidable breed innovation and growth.

I will probably reference this book in future post because it is having a profound affect on me, but I digress.  In Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly, she references Peter Sheahan, an author, speaker, and CEO of ChangeLabs.  What she shared from Peter was: 

“The secret killer of innovation is shame. You can’t measure it, but it is there. Every time someone holds back on a new idea, fails to give their manager much needed feedback, and is afraid to speak up in front of a client you can be sure shame played a part. That deep fear we all have of being wrong, of being belittled and of feeling less than, is what stops us taking the very risks required to move our companies forward.

If you want a culture of creativity and innovation, where sensible risks are embraced on both a market and individual level, start by developing the ability of managers to cultivate an openness to vulnerability in their teams. And this, paradoxically perhaps, requires first that they are vulnerable themselves. This notion that the leader needs to be “in charge” and to “know all the answers” is both dated and destructive. Its impact on others is the sense that they know less, and that they are less than. A recipe for risk aversion if ever I have heard it. Shame becomes fear. Fear leads to risk aversion. Risk aversion kills innovation.” 

Excerpt From: Brown, Brené. “Daring Greatly.” Gotham Books, 2012-09-11. iBooks

Although, Brené's book had not been published when I started this post in April of last year, it has put a pin in (a need to pause and reflect as well as a potential context) the many issues with the concept of leadership, fear.  There are those who are leading from a fear perspective and those who are not showcasing their thoughts, feelings, innovation or creativity because of fear.  And we must remember fear manifest in many ways, not just quiet, retreat or hiding from...but also negative criticism of situations or others, not making self dispensable, not mentoring or allowing self to be mentor (along with not providing information and tools to make another successful or refusing constructive feedback).  Much of this stems from fear.

As I continue on this journey of and gather knowledge around leadership and what it means, I hope to be someone who can be (vulerable) authentic as well as foster others around me to feel safe enough to do the same.  At the end of the day, we must decide not to lead with or be lead by fear.

Is it bad...

Wow it's been almost a year since I've written a post...craziness.  It always comes back to being overwhelmed/extended at work...the blogging goes by the wayside.  I must figure out a way to keep up with this.  I love sharing my random and crazy epiphanies and nudges!

Sigh *shrugs and gets back to it*

Confession...I like Wale's song Bad.  Not that I need a justification, but I typically don't like a song unless it resonates with me in some way.  

If you've not heard the song before, I encourage you to Listen.  Now I must warn you it's pretty explicit so you have to listen a couple of times to get passed the shock and awe to get to the nuggets.  So fitting to this post...getting past the exterior to get to the real.

So beside it evoking a little retro naughtiness in me (just being honest), it made me consider the ways in which our negative self talk/perception and insecurities strongly dictate our behaviors.  How these elements also motivate us to create a persona that "protects" us from the world (I encourage you to read my post entitled Certifiably Authentic where I talk about mask).

As I worked out this morning, i kept replaying the chorus and critically analyzing or over-thinking it (whichever you prefer.  I embrace both :-)).  I thought man she is so hell bent on not being connected or vulnerable to this other person, that she wants to prove her badness/unworthiness.  So much so that she labels connectedness, a bad thing, to "making love" and disconnectedness to "f@$king"...straight no chaser!   Then goes on to say that she's damaged goods but good enough for sex.  Actual lyrics "I won't commit, not having it.  But  at least I can admit that I'd be bad to ya.  I'd be good in bed but i'd be bad to ya".   Yea, I know.

I know this a graphic analogy, however if you've read my other posts, I love and live for analogies and ways in which every part of this life we experience are connected.  Connected to our greater good and growth of our spirit.  Stay with me though :-)

Honesty moment, in my past I have said similar words.  Simply put, i was her.  And truth be told those elements, created by life circumstances, are still very present (work in progress...daily).  When I said this song resonated with me, I am keeping it 100%.  As my blog tag line says "beginning with me...sharing with others".  Of course this wouldn't be a nudge if there wasn't something in it for you.  I will have an honesty moment for you too, many of you are/were her.  Maybe not literally or with sex, but yea, i can recognize a mask wearer when i see one (takes one to know one, huh?).  Her being the "character" that sings the chorus.  The character that Wale is trying to understand and know.  He highlights some very positive elements about her but can't understand her distance...yes I'm intellectualizing the ratchetness but there is always some knowledge in the chaos.  Getting past the exterior to get to the real.

Many of us live from a place of being unworthy...unworthy of love, life, success, friends, *fill in the blank*.  So much so, we begin to embrace that unworthiness and wear it as a badge of strength and pride.  Instead of focusing on our feeling of not being worthy of love, we project "who need love"..."all men are dogs/all women are hoes".  Instead of focusing on our thoughts of inadequacy in our job, we project that "the organization doesn't value me" and complain about how our talents were never tapped.  It removes ownership of our mess and the need tonfix/clean our mess.  ...getting to the real.

Our songstress' chooses not to commit.  But what is the motive for the choice? Making choices and decisions are overall great things, however we must always evaluate our motive for a choice.  Because wrong motives can be detrimental and deadly (literally and figuratively).   Her motive (as was the same with mine) is the reasoning  why one decides not to open themselves up to a potential mate or an employee who decides they're going disengage and do the bare minimum at work, fear (fear seems to be running rampant in my internal world...two post that have fear at their core...need to analyze that more).  The fear of no one committing to us as is, no one choosing us as a mate or not being recognized or having to advocate for our talents.  This fear causes us to project our lack of care regarding the very outcome we fear.  Getting past the exterior...

We detach, disengage, disconnect to keep "them" from knowing that we really don't feel worthy.  That distance that Wale is trying to understand, that I surmise he's experienced from someone and even with himself, is the false barrier we build in hopes to protect ourselves.  At the end of Wale's last verse, he states that he atrempted to call her after they slept together and her cell phone wasn't on.  Deconnected.

Facing our stuff/past/mess is a hard, hard, hard process...did I say hard?  A hard, life long process.  But we are created to connect and engage and are worthy of every contact God allows.  Believing that we are worthy and opening ourselves to those God given interactions doesn't mean that only strawberries and rainbows, love and friendship, great jobs and promotions will enter our space.  On the contrary..we may have more rotten apples and clouds, heartbreak and enemies, or sucky positions and too many years at one level than we would like.  But i am a witness that the positives far outshine the negatives.  

We are required to get to the heart of the matter...past the exterior, barrier, mask and get to the real.  Is it bad?  Ummmm yea it is...sorry must be honest.  Only truth in love here.  Remember YOU are not bad but living from a false sense of self is no bueno!  Let's (do the) work!